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[tahnan]

There's a question that linguists get all the time after they tell someone they're a linguist, which is, "How many languages do you speak?" It's an intensely frustrating question, because it misses much of the point of the work a linguist does.

Similarly, I know that friends who have masters' degrees in children's literature dread questions about whether that means that they're writing a children's book. (Also, nearly any question that mentions Harry Potter.)

So I ask my readers, out of curiosity. When you tell people something fundamental about who you are or what you do ("I'm a linguist"; "I have a Masters' in Children's Literature"; "I'm from Serbia"; "I have a wooden leg"; "I brew beer"; or what have you), what question is it that you dread getting in return, but which seems to be fairly inevitable?

Comments

[colorwheel.livejournal.com]

the name "chronic fatigue syndrome" makes people say "hey, i'm tired too. maybe i have it!"

they find themselves very funny and cute when they say it. and they halfway mean it too.

this is a big reason why many patients prefer the name cfids -- chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome -- whether or not cfids is an immune dysfunction. we don't even care, we just want a name that sounds real. (recent research indicates it's a gene problem.)

in england, i'd have "myalgic encephalomyelitis."

(it doesn't help that "chronic fatigue" -- just fatigue that is chronic, not a syndrome -- is a symptom tons of people have for a billion different reasons, some of which are the exact things that cfids isn't, like depression and deconditioning.)

The joys of children

[mrswebchik.livejournal.com]

When people find out I have four children and a husband who is gone all week and I go to school, they always ask "How do you do it?". You just do it. You don't think about how, or you would go insane.

When they find out that I'm in the IT field professionally, they always ask about programming. I don't program. I refuse to program. Mild HTML is the closest I come. Or they assume I make tons of money. Yeah, right.

When I was pregnant, my favorite was "Is this your first?". And the looks when I told them, no, it was my 6th pregnancy, 4th child. Heh.

I think that's most of it. Now I'll be thinking about this all night...

[rdansky.livejournal.com]

"Will you hire me?"

Or words to that effect. Everyone thinks they can write, working in video games is cool (and all you do is play games, right?) and combining the two creates something even more irresistable than a Scooby Snack. I'm very happy to talk professionally about game writing and what it entails - long hours, repetition, integration into teams, long-term commitment, and so forth - but it is a very competitive field with some fairly stringent demands. The notion that I can wave my magic hiring wand and turn someone into a game writer (or even better, throw them some part-time game writing on the side) carries with it an implicit set of assumptions about my job and what it takes to do it.

Here endeth the admittedly unimportant rant.

[kirbyk.livejournal.com]

Can you fix my computer?

[530nm330hz.livejournal.com]

Ditto.

[in-parentheses.livejournal.com]

"What do you do?"
"I'm a librarian."

"So, you must really like the Dewey Decimal System!"
OR
"Where's your bun?"
OR
"You don't look like the librarians *I* remember," hubba hubba.
OR my personal favorite,
"Hey, we're not going to need you guys much anymore - we have Google!"..or some variation on the theme.

Once I actually had a guy I met at a friend's wedding - who seemed to be trying to chat me up, believe it or not - say, "Oh, how cute!" Yeah, that's gonna work. *smack*

[nplloquacious.livejournal.com]

Ditto to all the above plus "Shhhhhhhh."

But if I say I have a Masters in Information Science (which I do in that I have a Masters of Library and Information Science), they say "Wow."

[kayre]

Hope you don't mind a drive-by comment, I was reading friendsfriends and came across this.

I'm an organist, and that annoying question is...
"Can you play that thing by Bach?"

If I bother to try to go on from this point, "that thing by Bach" usually turns out to be the Toccata in D minor, best known from Fantasia.

[530nm330hz.livejournal.com]

usually?

I mean, sure, personally, I'd be curious what the C major prelude from book I would sound like on an organ in a room with a long reverb time. But when you say they usually mean the Toccata in d, I have to wonder what the other 1% mean. :-)

[prog.livejournal.com]

Depending on context:

"Hey, waddaya think of that new Bill Gates thing?" (I don't know, I don't care about any of that stuff.)

"Hey, waddaya think of that new Apple thing?" (I don't know, I don't care about any of that stuff.) My parents ask me this all the time, in the modified form "Oh I saw on the news... that... um... what's it... did Apple just do something?"

One that happens the least often and I don't mind nearly as much: "You've written a book? Hey my nephew wants to write a book, it's about giant robarts or some shit. How's he do that?" I mind a little more when part of my answer inevitably makes them go "Wait, won't they just steal his ideas?!" but they have to get educated somehow I guess.

[redbeard.livejournal.com]

"I'm a marine biologist."

leads to

"How are the whales?" or "So what are dolphins really saying?" or they take it on themselves with "Oh, I always wanted to do that and study the dolphins," almost without fail. (It's always "the" dolphins, which I find odd - as if they are a family or something, like the Joneses or something).

Then I drop the bomb.

"Nah, backbones are boring."

[dtm]

No one (except another math major) asks a math major follow-up questions; people are just inspired to spontaneously confess their dislike and/or incompetence with something they consider Mathematics. "I never liked math", "math kicked my ass in college", "I was fine with math until calculus", "I can't even figure out a tip", etc.

My sister-in-law is a very small woman who happens to play the bass violin professionally. (she supplements her income giving private lessons in the cello and bass) Douglas Adams was dead on about the typical reaction:

Dirk gave a non-committal type of nod. "Amongst other things," he said. Then he added, "I'm a private detective."
"Oh?" said Kate in surprise, and then looked puzzled.
"Does that bother you?"
"It's just that I have a friend who plays the double bass."
"I see," said Dirk.
"Whenever people meet him and he's struggling around with it, they all say the same thing, and it drives him crazy. They all say, ‘I bet you wished you played the piccolo.’ Nobody ever works out that that's what everybody else says. I was just trying to work out if there was something that everybody would always say to a private detective, so that I could avoid saying it."
"No. What happens is that everybody looks very shifty for a moment, and you got that very well."
"I see." Kate looked disappointed.

[ztbb.livejournal.com]

i get "what are the applications of the math you do?" all the time.

children's lit MA

[colorwheel.livejournal.com]

prog reminded me of another: "oh, i always wanted to write a children's book! i want to teach children how to share [or insert any other lesson]"

*smack*

[hilariarex.livejournal.com]

They always either a) ask me for legal advice or b) ask me what I think about music downloading (when I tell them I'm conentrating in IP.

[agrimony.livejournal.com]

Whenever someone asks me my major and I tell them biology, they almost inevitably respond with, 'Oh? So you're going to be a doctor?'

Like that's the only thing biology is good for. :P

[tahnan.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'll be just as happy if I never have to hear anyone ask again, "So what do you do with a degree in linguistics?"

I bludgeon people who ask condescending questions, that's what I do.

[quantumkitty.livejournal.com]

I was also reading friendsfriends and came across this.

I'm a senior at Brandeis, majoring in linguistics, math, and computer science. (Really, I'm a linguist who realizes she needs a strong math/CS background and a Plan B if grad school doesn't work out.) Along with the inevitable not-understanding-what-linguistics-is responses, I get responses assuming I have lots of work to do, like "Do you ever sleep?"

It's really not hard at all to double or triple major at Brandeis, especially if there's some overlap between the requirements for your various programs. I really work less than most people I know, because I'm lazy and don't study.

[tahnan.livejournal.com]

OK, that's really odd--I thought, "I'll glance at her LJ and see what sorts of things she...why is that link already-followed colored?" Because, it turns out, I was looking at your LJ yesterday after it turned up as one of the few Google hits for "An abstraction of a cowboy leaves".

Anyway--linguistics at Brandeis, cool. I was really glad to see that they hired Sophia Malamud; I saw her speak at the LSA last year and she struck me as quite talented. And I have coffee periodically with Lotus Goldberg, who I hope you've encountered there.

So: grad school in linguistics? Or off to use the CS to actually make money?

[spenceraloysius.livejournal.com]

I solved my inevitable question issue. When I was younger, people would ask me what I do and I would say, "I do research." This led to "What kind of research do you do?" Which is hard to explain. So, then I tried, "I'm a biochemist." which often leads to "oh" and a blank look, but infrequently leads to "What does a biochemist do?" I've also substituted biophysicist, and x-ray crystallographer for biochemist, but that always ends with blank looks and occasionally fearful looks. I have settled for, "I'm work on curing cancer." This engenders awed looks and the usual comment of "You must be really smart." But, no inevitable questions because, I think, I've found the statement that has no reasonable followup. People who really want to know will then ask about my research, but this usually ends with confused or glazed looks.

[spenceraloysius.livejournal.com]

And, no, there is nothing more fundamental about me than my work. I'm just that boring.

[cnoocy]

"You're a twin? What's that like?"

[saxikath]

"Do you cover evolution?" is the only question that I get asked at all regularly when I tell people what I do. (Yes, we do. It's science.) It's not really that annoying, but it's the only one I can think of.

My avocation sometimes gets, "Oh, like jigsaw puzzles?" But not all that often.

[tahnan.livejournal.com]

You silly word nerds with your dorkfests.

[saxikath]

Oh, the other avocational question I dread is, "So what advice can you give on how to solve crosswords faster?"

[qaqaq.livejournal.com]

"Oh, you must be really smart" and its variant, "Oh, you must know a lot of words!" are both pretty common. I still haven't figured out how to answer either one well.

Frankly, I try to avoid the conversation entirely because I'm tired of all of the standards: Which do you write first, the words or the clues? Do you use a computer? I'm no good at them myself, but my uncle Harold solves it every day...

[lilisonna.livejournal.com]

"I work for a military contracting company" always leads to "Oh? So do you blow things up?"

"I work in artificial intelligence" almost always leads to a 2001 reference.

"I'm a software programmer" usually doesn't get too much of a response. When it does, it's almost always "So, what exactly do you do?" And that just leads to pain.

[touchstone.livejournal.com]

You missed an option. "I work for a military contracting company that does artificial intelligence" leads to a Terminator reference :)

[touchstone.livejournal.com]

Hey, look on the bright side. The standard response to 'human factors' or 'human-computer interaction' is 'huhwha?'

Once I explain, it's usually something like 'you mean like that paperclip? I hate that thing!'

[in-parentheses.livejournal.com]

Hee! It makes me really happy that the damn paperclip is the iconic example of poor HCI.

[rubrick.livejournal.com]

As an Apple employee: "Can you get me a free iPod?" Although more annoying is "Why doesn't X, Y or Z product do A, B or C?"

As a juggler: "Do you do chainsaws?". Runner up: "Are you in a circus?"

Edward Jackman, one of the funniest and most successful comedy jugglers during the '80s, used to compare the attitude of (American) juggling audiences to ballet patrons shouting "Set your tights on fire! Eat poison!"

[rubrick.livejournal.com]

I should mention that one of my life goals is to never, ever be that person we're all talking about. I take a certain amount of pride in being able to think of an intelligent question to ask in response to almost any statement of field, occupation, or nationality. Admittedly I don't meet too many aerobics instructors.

[wesleyjenn.livejournal.com]

I hate telling people I went to MIT because you always get that "Oh, so you're crazy smart huh?"

What are you supposed to say to that? "Yes, yes I am." "No, I'm not smart, you're just a moron." "That's a common misconception." "I slept with the head of admissions". Idiots.

Saying "I'm a stage manager" nine times out of ten gets me a confused smile and nod.

[saxikath]

That "you must be so smart" sort of reaction is why I generally try very hard to avoid telling anyone where I went to college. (Not MIT, in my case.) That and the jaw-dropping gasping reaction. I never know what to do with that.

[jeffurrynpl.livejournal.com]

In my hometown when I'd say I was going to MIT I would get asked where it was. My favorite guess was "New York". (M as in Manhattan?)

I worked on car radios for eight years. My least favorite questions are
"Can you help me build an amplifier?" (I worked on software in radios, not amplifiers.)
"Oh, you must have a great stereo system, huh?" (I don't even own a working stereo. I usually have the TV on when I'm awake in my apartment.)

I teach electronics. Just tonight I got
"I was thinking of you the other day when my nephew was wiring a lamp." (You don't want me to wire anything that plugs into an outlet.)

I never mind the "smart" comments.

[leighjen.livejournal.com]

Well, my day job is so bloody boring that no one offers a follow up.

As for my improv gig, the two standards are "I could never do that," and "Oh, say something funny."

sigh.

[incontango.livejournal.com]

A-fucking-greed!