Life in Minnesota, redux

[tahnan]

Some people wanted to know what kind of culture shock I might experience in Minnesota. I lived in Minnesota for four years, so it's not the snow, or the accents, or the niceness.

No, to illustrate the kind of culture shock I experienced, I present to you a five question quiz. It's multiple choice, but take a moment to consider your answers before clicking through to the options.

1. On the bedroom door of your five-year-old nephew, you would expect to find a measuring tape and a sign saying, "Watch me grow..."

     (a) "...like a tree."
     (b) "...and help me know."
     (c) "...like Jesus grew."

2. Your brother-in-law roots for sports teams based on...

     (a) Their proximity to his home.
     (b) Their win/loss records.
     (c) The moral character of their players and coaches.

3. At lunch, your father-in-law pulls out a present he got earlier that day: a box of questions to spark discussion. Which of the following is the most likely exchange between you and your hostess's mother in response to "What book would you most like to have memorized?"

     (a) "Something by John Muir, maybe."
          "I was thinking of Semantics in Generative Grammar by Heim and Kratzer."
          "You're sure you wouldn't prefer Earth in the Balance?"

     (b) "That's a good question."
          "I was thinking of Semantics in Generative Grammar by Heim and Kratzer."
          "I can see why that would be."

     (c) "Well, everyone in this room would say the Bible, of course."
          "I was thinking of Semantics in Generative Grammar by Heim and Kratzer."
          "All of that is included in the Bible."

4. Your niece's grandmother gets her a book about a girl who just knows she's a princess, but starts to worry about the fact that she doesn't have jewels or a crown, and that her father is not a king. The moral of the story comes when her father tells her,

     (a) "We are all princes and princesses in care of the earth, and we must reign wisely to protect her and preserve her."
     (b) "You don't need a crown or jewels; you'll always be the princess of my heart."
     (c) "We are all children of a much greater King, and that makes us special."

5. Your sister-in-law relates a story in which a friend of hers, Margaret, had a brain clot. One day, another friend called and mentioned that she had a freind wih a brain clot; it turned out that they each independently knew Margaret. This inspired your sister-in-law and her friend to:

     (a) Thank G-d for modern medicine.
     (b) Thank G-d for their own good health.
     (c) Take this as a sign that they should pray together, then and there, for Margaret.

Bonus question: Your niece gets her mother a pie plate for Christmas, to replace the one she broke earlier in the year. The grandmother (i.e. the hostess's mother from Question 3, and the book-buyer from Question 4) says, full of the appropriate spirit:

     (a) (to her granddaughter) "That was very thoughtful and kind of you, dear."
     (b) (to her granddaughter) "That was very selfless and giving of you, dear."
     (c) (to her daughter) "You should have just taken one of my pie plates; I have so many."

If you failed to pick (c) for any of the above questions, then you, too, could have suffered the same kind of culture shock I did.

Comments

[foldedfish.livejournal.com]

"I was thinking of Semantics in Generative Grammar by Heim and Kratzer."
"All of that is included in the Bible."

Ah, yes, I believe that's covered in the First Letter of Chomsky to the Galatians.

[lilisonna.livejournal.com]

This made me snort my tea.

[q-pheevr.livejournal.com]

Watch me schönfinkel like Moses schönfinkeled!

[entropyspring.livejournal.com]

Please. Everyone knows Chomsky would never have written to the Galatians! He would have shown up in person, thereby to create a media circus. The appropriate text can only be found in "The Chomsky according to Matthew"

[redbeard.livejournal.com]

"Watch me grow..."
(c) "...like Jesus grew."

What? The dude was tall. Seriously.

[tahnan.livejournal.com]

Not true (http://www.whatilikeaboutjew.com/lyrics.shtml#taller).

[in-parentheses.livejournal.com]

How is this a band I've never heard of??

[lemurtanis.livejournal.com]

Depends on who you ask.

[aspartaimee.livejournal.com]

may i ask: if their brand of christianity were a flavor of fruit stripe gum, what color would it be?

[lunchboy.livejournal.com]

I was unaware that Jesus' most salient characteristic was the fact that he did not remain the same size as he progressed from childhood to adulthood. It's like the miracle of the pencil marks on the door jamb.

[mizkit.livejournal.com]

*HOWLS* Oh my, well, God. :)

[in-parentheses.livejournal.com]

I enjoy the "if I'd married a third-generation pagan" (a) answers to several of the questions.

[entropyspring.livejournal.com]

Now, now. Quakers and Unitarians could just as easily fill in the (a) answers!

[ertchin.livejournal.com]

Oddly enough, I only partly had the "theme" worked out, and applied it pretty much correctly to question 3 ... and incorrectly to the bonus question. (I had "The Lord provides", Gene.)

And where I'm from, a valid alternate answer to #5 is "start gossiping about Margaret".

[leighjen.livejournal.com]

And where I'm from, a valid alternate answer to #5 is "start gossiping about Margaret".

Awesome!

[tahnan.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the bonus question's a killer.

[flynngrrl.livejournal.com]

Well, Jesus IS the reason for the season. Or it's axial tilt. I always forget.

[aspartaimee.livejournal.com]

maybe it's because i had lots of aunties say things like "why did you spend good money on X when i have so many? you should have just taken one of mine" growing up, but the bonus question doesn't really bother me except for one reason: it's totally bogus to give as a gift the replacement for something you broke. just, something i would expect the conductor on the tacky town express to do. choo choo!

[tahnan.livejournal.com]

C'mon, she's a ten-year-old girl who presumably broke a plate by accident. Be generous.

And saying "why did you buy X, you could have taken one of mine" to a person is one thing; saying it to a child who's just done something generous is wholly another.

[leighjen.livejournal.com]

You should have seen how sweet and shy my niece was when her mom opened the present. It was obvious that she was sad that she broke her mom's plate and she wanted to make up for it.

[aspartaimee.livejournal.com]

yeah, i take it back about the tacky town express. i pictured it going down with someone old enough to replace the plate AND get a real gift. that does not apply to a 10 year old.

it's embarrassing and hurtful to have that kind of thing called out in front of everyone, especially when you're that age and sensitive to things. i hope the family knew what was what and dismissed grandma's comment, and your aunt thanked the niece and made her feel good.

[aspartaimee.livejournal.com]

i dunno. i mean, i will give you the whole kid thing, and retract my earlier statement about the tacky town express. i am sure she saved her pennies and really thought about it, and that's really sweet. it does sound like grandma ruined it, but to be honest, that's a pretty common family dynamic, so i just question the validity of the culture shock claim.

my grandma ruined a lot of things before she kicked the bucket. 35 years later she was still warning me against making the mistake my aunt did and taking a black man (obviously whispered in case he should overhear)to her senior ball. which was 1) not a mistake and 2) over 35 years ago at this point.

i guess my point is that most of your examples totally give me the heebie jeebies in terms of jesus in one's face (hence my question about fruit stripe gum which was to ask which denomination of chistians are these). the bonus one makes me think huh, well there's always some old buzzard speaking before s/he thinks in every family.

[tahnan.livejournal.com]

The last point is why this was a bonus question: because her behavior is in such sharp contrast to her other uberChristian actions.

Or, as the nearby redhaired Freak observed: "She's not only an enormous beaver...she's church people."

[aspartaimee.livejournal.com]

so being a beaver trumps loving jesus. interesting.

[42itous.livejournal.com]

Oy. Your culture shock trumps mine. yup.